i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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