Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
