dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
