i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Shame - the story of my life.
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