Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
