are you still at the devil's house?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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