Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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