why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
