i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
