Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize