Apparently you make a good broom.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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