Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
