This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
