But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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