Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
