they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
