she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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