I should be sponsored by Trojan
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
