using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize