All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
