id be glad to
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
