I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
