just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
