So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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