I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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