I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
