I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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