I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize