I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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