He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
