I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
