I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
