I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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