i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Even my vagina gasped.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
