Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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