I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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