She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
