I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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