everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
