I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
