I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
