you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
