I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
