my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
