Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
