Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
