I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
