If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
