So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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