I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
