I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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