the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I want is dick and wine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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