He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
