Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
