I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize