Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
