I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Congratulations! We have a period
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
