Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
