4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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