You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
