she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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