My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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