I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
