I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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