if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
