Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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