I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The feeling are messing with the penis
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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