We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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