they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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