I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
