I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
