i think my tv is drunk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
