But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
