If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
