the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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