She is in my trunk
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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